FORGIVE

Everett Wrothington (2003). Forgiving and Reconciling: 

                                              Bridges to Wholeness and Hope

Worthington has a PhD in Psychology, began studying forgiveness in the 1980's, and at the time of this book in 2003, published over 150 articles/papers on forgiveness (mostly from a social science and Christian orientation).

forgiveness is an individual decision to not behave negatively toward a person that has hurt one, and making concrete attempt(s) to restore the relationship, whereas reconciliation is a relational process (requiring the cooperation of the offending party) that reestablishes trust in the relationship after trust was violated.

the core process of forgivenss (this can be done individually without the offender involved) is summarized by the acronym REACH

R=Recall the hurt

E=Empathize

A=Altruistic gift of forgiveness

C=Commit publically to forgive

H=Hold on to forgiveness

 

the 4 step process to bridge from forgiveness to reconciliation is (both parties must be willing to do all 4 steps for reconciliation):

1.Decide to reconcile

2.Discuss--dialogues, empathy, listening

3.Detoxify--need 5 positive emotions for every 1 negative

4.Devote--build love

 

practice: there are definitions, examples, stories, and research to describe, explain, and illustrate the above steps in forgiveness and reconciliation for those interested in practicing...

i found the one line on "gentle reproach of transgression" very helpful: when you did....it didn't seem like you....tell me what's going on....help me understand...