GIFTofTHERAPY


Irvin Yalom (2002). The Gift of Therapy.


Yalom is a medical doctor, a psychiatrist, and author of several books. He wrote this book at age 70, wanting to pass on learnings as 'tips for therapists' based on 45 years of clinical practice. He originally had over 200 tips and selected the best 85 tips for this book...there's much wisdom here...unable to summarize all 85 tips but i can share my favorites. 

Note to self: reading this at age 65 with almost 45 years of teaching college, i too want to share tips for teaching/learning communication...perhaps a book someday entitled, gift of com.

Note on tips: while these tips are designed for therapists, almost all of them can apply to interpersonal and small group relationships.

Some of my favorite tips:

one of the best ways to get to know someone is ask them to describe their typical daily routine--everything from the time they get up to the time they go to bed (in the therapeutic context, because of increased privacy, a great deal of self-disclosure can take place, revealing atttitudes, habits, communication patterns...).

remove the obstacles to growth and the natural self-actualizing energy/force/instinct will take over

use the "here and now" of the relationship as the focus for working through interpersonal issues with others

your feelings are valid data that can be communicated if it benefits the other 

2 parts to teaching/learning: 1, evoke experiences, 2, analyze and process them

for sensitive topics, talk to that part of yourself that is XYZ, and use role play (and reverse role play) to tease out and work through any issues

let yourself WONDER with the other person, e.g., "I wonder if..."

for teachers, take notes after each class, review notes before next class, start out by tying back to unfinished business at the beginning of the next class [note for self: preview what you will cover in class, review at the end of class, review again at the beginning of next class and preview new material...continue as a virtuous cycle]

explore dream symbols...what part of you is symbolized by X in the dream...what feelings are connected to this part...have a conversation with this part...

 

Choose one of the tips above and test it out in a close personal relationship...how did it go, what might you do differently...try another, and another until you have a collection of tips that work best for you.



 

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