A GOOD PERMISSIVE


Bill O'Hanlon (2003). A Guide to Inclusive Therapy


O'Hanlon has a Master's degree, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and is the author of over 40 books.

In this book, he suggests that we give permission *to and not to have an experience* (except for cases of harmful action), including seemingly opposite or contradictory things...some examples follow:

you can feel angry and you don't have to feel angry

its ok to be sexual and you don't have to be sexual

it ok to and you don't have to...

you'll stop this or not

giving permission seems to free people to make a choice, knowing that either choice is possible, that whatever they have thought/done is part of a continuum of choices, that other things are possible...


the next time you need to make a decision (start with something small), consider what the opposite or contradictory choice might be and create a language structure that acknowledges both choices...e.g., you can do/think X AND you can not do/think X...does the larger perspective shift anything inside?

[note that i did not read the entire book, but simply reviewed the first part of the book...there is MUCH MORE to the book than the general permission idea]



  


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